I used to think
I could only trust myself.
Was just inevitable heartbreak,
Everyone else had their interests in mind,
And the only eyes watching my back
Trust is such a terrible thing.
It leads you into submission,
Waving its rattle to distract
And all in due time, striking and hissing.
Trust is not a guarantee of safety,
It’s a fallback for foolish people.
It’s a thing you do when you don’t understand,
But it can’t be a thing that a person demands —
It just proves who is weak,
And who has the upper hand.
The only thing you can really trust
Is that no one’s perfect,
No one’s got their act together,
No one knows what the hell they’re doing,
Everyone’s just making things up as they go along,
And maybe that’s my problem.
I choose to believe that people are trying,
I choose to believe that people aren’t lying,
I choose to believe that the people I trust
Will not pull away, try to hide their disgust.
Maybe I don’t see the big picture,
Maybe if I tilt my head and squint my eyes,
My world would get a little richer.
Or maybe I should keep them shut,
Go back to bed and hope sleep is enough,
Because dealing with nightmares is not quite as rough
As watching the dreams you have get swallowed up
By a tongue that asks mercy
And in the same breath,
Puts the words it spoke to soothe
To a slow, withering death.
Don’t lie to me, I see your pain,
But lying only spreads it.
If you want to find out who you are,
Then take the time – you said it.
But don’t tell me you need to be
Alone in this discovery,
“It isn’t you, you’re great, it’s me,”
Then turn around immediately
And find yourself some company.
I used to think I could only trust myself…
I still think that.